This box in particular.
Allow me to explain and harvest back some shred of my dignity.
Back when I was still living in Los Angeles I was given a bizarre present on my fifteenth birthday by some friends of my family: a pillowcase filled with a random assortment of gifts. Pouring out the nuggets of Birthday onto my floor I found within it a bashed up VHS copy of Scarface, a book I had leant them, and The Wicca Pack.
Now I vaguely knew what Wicca was, though it may have been a slightly skewed definition. I had a few friends who had decided to adopt Wicca and it's practices. It was the kind of situation where we'd arrive at their house one day and find a large corner of their room had been turned into an altar with goblets and knives in all directions while they extolled the virtues of wand making.
But then we'd play video games, and suddenly it didn't seem that strange any more.
I think it was because of the fact that most of these guys were already obsessed with fantasy culture, in particular RPG games that I didn't take it all that seriously. It just felt like another road for their personal escapism to travel on and who was I to judge? I could still be a royal pain in the ass by always pressing them to cast spells that seemed to have about as much effect as an ant farting, but I stand by the fact that I only did it in the hope that one of them would actually manage to blow up a pigeon or something.
So as a result I was a little unsure about what to do with this box containing a guidebook and a deck of Wiccan divination cards. Its weight meant it would make a keen doorstop but that seemed rather cruel seeing as this was a Birthday present. That and my Wiccan friends might stop by and, you know, THAT might be the day they go Gandalf on my ass. So in the end, due to a lack of interest and to protect myself against a dark arts thrashing, the box disappeared into a closet, silently brewing in its own magic, waiting for the day when it would get a chance to shine.
Fast forward several years to a week or two ago, where I rediscover the box wedged within a large stack of books. My knowledge of Wicca, since those innocent years, has become a bit broader. I have developed a love/hate relationship with it. There's the wide eyed believer side of me that desperately wants it all to be true, and the hard nosed cynic side that regularly beats up the wide eyed believer and steals his milk money. Which doesn't stop the cynic from likely being right, but it does mean I'm more of an asshole when I side with him.
All that being said, I understand that whether or not Wiccan teachings are fact they're as much about self-discovery and open mindedness as they are mysticism. So long as they're helping people, I'm willing to appreciate their merits. So, with this rush of open minded euphoria I decided to flip through the book and see what I could gain from it, maybe even try my hand at one of the card readings in the hope that, maybe, this would help me take Wicca that bit more seriously.
But Jesus fuck they don't make it easy.
First chink in the armor, right off the bat. The book is written by a woman named Sally Morningstar. Sally. Morningstar. Not just that, but she wrote it whilst consulting the mysterious entity known only as Gwyn. I had to put the book down and come back when I could convince myself I wasn't about to read something written by Glinda the Good Witch and an Elf.
The book opens with a potted history of the rise of Wicca, exploring its roots in pagan practices and beliefs but also how it incorporates elements of global magical practices including 'shamanism, high magic, druidism, Qabalah, and Egyptian and Northern European magic' alongside neo-pagan practices which focus on pro-environmentalism.
Okay, I can get with that. The varying practices unify Wicca as a belief system the whole world can have a part of, and what's more important than environmentalism these days? This is getting easier to appreciate.
Ah.
This lovely chap is Gerald Gardner, father of the Gardnerian tradition. He, alongside a Wiccan high priestess named Doreen Valiente helped make a public face for Wicca and made it 'go public' so to speak. It's chiefly thanks to them that practicing witchcraft has become a more widespread and acceptable past time.
Now look, this is a cheap shot, but Christ; if this man is one of your proudly extolled founding figureheads, pick a better photo. Even ONE google search turns up better results:
I mean come on. That dude is BOSS. He looks like he could shoot a lightning bolt from his fucking eyebrows. He'd be all 'Watchoo sayin' 'bout my beliefs?' I probably wouldn't even write this entry if I'd seen that fucker.
But this guy?
He's a confused tourist looking for his grandkids. While making a noise that sounds like *Heeeaaannn!* Kind of like Paul Shaffer laughing while being raped by a giraffe. The point is, if you're going to make this man your public face, make him look like he could melt fire with his wrinkles.
The first half of the book has varying descriptions of the different festivals and everyday activities of Witches along with soft focus pictures of a woman doing things like burning flowers or waving a knife around. It's an inexplicably soothing experience, broken up by moments of intense excitement when I recognize the name of a deity (shame-faced to admit mainly from video games).
Despite my cynicism, the book is an interesting read and I do feel like I've gained some deeper insight into the elements of the lifestyle, which I'll analyze in more detail in a wrap up entry. However, I still feel like I need to really throw my hat into the ring. I want the full experience.
I'm going to allow the mystic spirits to hold my fate in their hands and divine my future using the Wiccan Cards of Ultimate Phantasmic Destiny (because that's way better than Wicca cards)!
Find out how I did in: Wicca Pt. 2 -or- How I Learned To Love Fate And Cardboard
- Dashiell ‘I’ll Be Your Wicked Witch’ Asher
No comments:
Post a Comment