I'm beginning to feel that Lollyphile has let me down. The evenings of sweet and sugary joy I was breathlessly waiting for have turned out to be little more than empty-if-not-novel candy booty calls.
I'm feeling cheap and used. The saloon lights are glowing dimly above me as I soak my sorrows into a strong drink.
'Damn you, Lollyphile...' I whimper, 'Damn you to hell.'
Suddenly the doors are kicked open by a a pair of snake skin cowboy boots, followed by long legs clad in black jeans with Japanese Dragons stitched up the sides. 'Bad to the Bone' begins thumping from the old jukebox as this mysterious strangers straddles the dusty floor boards. He pulls a zippo lighter from his jacket: it's made of metal that burns as brightly as the flame. He produces a smoke from thin air and cocks his head sideways as he sucks in the fire as it's reflected in a pair of obsidian shades.
'It's the hot one...' I hear someone whisper to my left.
The cool customer slides up to me, blowing smoke over his shoulder.
'I hear you've had your heart broken a few times.'
He smells like fire and spice.
'Who are you?' I barely choke out.
'Who am I?' He replies with a grin, 'I'm Wasabi-Ginger.'
The Look: This is the first truly good looking lolly I've had so far. It's a dark burnt orange with flecks of red just under the surface. As you suck on the treat you'll find that these little flecks slowly worm their way to the top, like tiny flecks of crimson glass. It looks like a little dark ball of fire. Which is goddamn exactly how a lollypop made of ginger and wasabi should look.
I like this lollipop.
The Flavour: This is also the first lollipop that has actually tasted entirely like what it purports to be made from. About. Fucking. Time. The base candy tastes like the sweetest ginger syrup you've ever had, with a delicate warmth that slowly gives way to the potent mustard edge of the wasabi. Further into the treat the heat intensifies as those little shards of red begin to emerge. They are, I believe, tiny pieces of crystalized chili peppers. They have a tendency to scratch your tongue while sucking on the lolly, which I found to make the spice more intense as my tongue became raw. Genuinely enjoyed it the whole way through, which is a first.
Should you buy it?: Are you serious? I give you my total blessing. I really loved this lollipop, and am definitely considering getting more of them.
I suppose, to give it some balance, I should point out some potential downsides to this sweet. Buyers beware of these caveats:
1. The whole thing SMACKS of ginger, and will do nothing to convert those who don't like the spice to the cause.
2. The whole 'raw tongue' aspect, I could that see turning folks off. I suppose not everyone wants their tongue to be going through an S&M session to get the sugar. But they just don't know what they're missing.
3. The heat, while never overwhelming, is strong enough to be the key sensation to this treat. This is sweet, sticky, and HOT.
GOD DAMN this is a SEXY lollipop.
So yes. Oh godddd yesssss...
To be continued in: Lollyphile! -or- How The Dude Abides
-Dashiell 'The Sexy Bon-Bon' Asher
Image Courtesy of Lollyphile.com
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